Book ‘She Fits Inside These Words’ by r.h. Sin

PDF Excerpt 'She Fits Inside These Words' by r.h. Sin
From New York Times bestselling authors r.h. Sin and Robert M. Drake with bestselling poet Samantha King Holmes comes an ode for all women. This is the time to look into the mirror and see everything you’ve been fighting for. Yourself, a peace of mind, and everything your heart deserves. You fit inside these words. 
Publisher: ‎Andrews McMeel Publishing (June 22, 2021)  Language: ‎English  Paperback: ‎336 pages  ISBN-10: ‎1524865389  ISBN-13: ‎978-1524865382  ASIN: ‎B093TZ95WW

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Born in New Brunswick, N.J., and later moving to Florida, r.h. Sin comes from a place where a life of pain is the norm and destruction is a constant. Through an early love for reading and writing, r.h. Sin was able to pull away from some of the social distractions that plagued so many of his peers. After returning to the Northeast and moving to New York in pursuit of love, the young modern poet found that and much more. Samantha King Holmes has been writing since the age of 11. She took up the pen during a tough time in her life, and it evolved from songwriting into poetry. Not always able to articulate how she felt, poetry became her therapy. The compilation of poems over the years takes you through the various stages of her life, almost like a diary. The essence of who she was and is becoming can be found in her words. She currently resides in New York with r.h. Sin. Robert M. Drake is an American author known for his bestselling books BEAUTIFUL CHAOS and BLACK BUTTERFLY, among others. He is also a social media phenomenon and a self-acclaimed street artist; you can see his work in all major cities across the United States.

Book excerpt

chapter one
by r.h. Sin

It’s late where you are, the night sky a grayish concrete blue. You’re here every night, aren’t you? Alone beneath the stars, the moon, your night-light. There are moments when you almost believe that sleep will come easily, and it should because your heart is weary, but your dreams are further than you’d hope. It’s after 10, and you’ve already begun counting how many hours of sleep you’d get if you fell asleep now, but come on, you’re kidding yourself. Midnight happens way too often for the heart that deserves rest. And you bear witness to those lonely hours every fucking time. And maybe it’s a pain inside you that has brought you here. I wish I could promise some fashion of salvation; I want nothing more than to be the author of everything that helps you heal, but I am nothing but a stranger to you, and so maybe these words will not reach for you in the way I intended. And still, I yell to you to keep running toward whatever helps you stay alive. May the night sky find the light of the sun so that you might have another chance to spark joy.

I’d wait up all night just to witness the midnight showing of your heart. And even while you’re draped in sadness, you are the most beautiful thing my eyes have seen. So strong and resilient. So courageous and capable. Everything you need to be to survive the darkness that arrives when the sun is no longer visible. And when it’s all said and done, you’ll stand beneath a full moon, patient for the setting sun.

You are a manifestation of the truth being told in a room of liars. You outshine the sun, and you captivate the soul of whoever dares to stare within your eyes. You tell stories with every move you make; you are a walking representation of survival in motion. You fit best in the night sky, a child of the moon. A myth until they meet you and witness, for the first time, a flower with the strength to bloom in the dead of winter.

Your eyes are always so sad in every photo you post, even as you smile. There’s a picture-perfect sorrow whispering from your face. Sometimes I wish I were sitting in front of you, as if to say you’re not alone. Of course, you have someone, or maybe they just have you, and you’re still trying to prove yourself worthy of their attention, but they continue to neglect you. Is that him in the photos? Is that the person you pretend to be happy with? You’re reading this right now because you’re unhappy with him, right? I’m sorry, I don’t want to come off as rude; I guess I care way too much about something that has nothing to do with me, but that won’t stop me from saying all of this to you. Isn’t that why your eyes are fixated here? You’re searching for a sign or a reminder or some courage to do what should be done.

Surrender to yourself. Surrender to the woman in the mirror looking back at you with sad eyes and a broken heart. Do what she needs you to do to save her. Let go, move on, and save yourself.

I have been searching for you while being distracted, seeing someone who was never the one I should have been chasing, and you were doing the same. The saddest days of my life committed to a relationship filled with lies. I was starving for the truth that only you could feed my fractured heart—struggling to stay afloat, reaching for the hand that didn’t deserve mine. How often did we miss one another while claiming to love someone else? How badly could I have wanted to be loved while staying stuck in a relationship that resembled the prisons of hell? We lose so much time holding on to lovers who hate us. Living day by day but going nowhere. Both of us in spaces where we don’t belong. Why do we make each other wait for love?

Hell was the relationship that kept you broken, and I know you feel the urge to text him back, but when the devil calls your name, you need not answer.

He’s gone, but you still have yourself. He hurt you, but the heartache made you stronger.

I’m not telling you to stop singing; I’m just trying to let you know that not everyone deserves your song. And you don’t need to turn the volume down; instead, play those melodies loudly for yourself.

I hate the way I fumbled my heart into your hands. Losing sleep over you while you spend the night with someone else. I’ve lost track of all the hours I wasted minimizing my own emotions to be considerate of how you feel, and that was foolish because you’ve proved time and time again that you’ve never given a fuck about me. And I hate the way I could muster up the courage to care for someone who was never brave enough to fall for me.

It’s like you’re waiting to be loved, but you’re not even single. You’re taken, but you’re alone. Smiling while your eyes scream out in sadness, and there’s an emptiness in your laughter that only I can identify. Or maybe you know this as well, but you’ve chosen to play pretend, ignoring your reality. Fighting back the tears just to appear happy. It’s like you’re waiting to be loved while pretending to be in love with the one person who will never be the one you’ve been waiting for.

Samantha, a summer rose, a chill of air in the winter. My springtime; I’m sprung. I knew I’d fall, and beside you, I fell. And when they ask me what I loved most about being here, you are the story I’ll tell.

I’m confident that there is beauty behind that mask that hides your scars.

Your heart is a sanctuary, the way you have me on my knees. I’m thankful for whatever led me to you and the salvation in your love.

Look at yourself with loving eyes. Everything you’ve longed for has lived within you the whole time.

Your heart was never meant to carry this sadness, even though it can, and your shoulders weren’t made to carry the weight of the world, but you can, and you have. And maybe that’s why I care so much about your happiness and peace. I think I’m just tired of good women getting hurt by people who were never worthy of their time, energy, and love.

You are a never-ending ocean with no shores, and so you’ve learned to find a home within yourself.